I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
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