Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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