Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
