I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
