No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
