Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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