Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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