I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
