But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
