i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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