i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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