Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I wear drunk well.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
