Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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