i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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