Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
