hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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