Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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