i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
