One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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