Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
