I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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