Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
