And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
