sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
