i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
