i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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