I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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