So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
