Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
