Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
you had me at cake vodka
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
