I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
