6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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