Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
