All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
she smelled like a LAN party
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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