i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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