We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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