I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
