she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
