You made me cry and you don't even care
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize