it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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