Soap is not a condiment
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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