Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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