I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize