you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
