I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
