So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
