I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
