Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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