Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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