so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
