He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
