I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
did i just pee glitter
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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