I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I need to calm my uterus...
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize