In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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