Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
