Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
