Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Hippo gnu deer
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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