i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
