So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
