Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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