Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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