I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
