Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
