u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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