Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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