Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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