drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
tonight lets celebrate not being married
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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