i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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