It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
