I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
