I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Congratulations! We have a period
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
