yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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