I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
