chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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