Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
