Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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