I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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