and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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