fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
