I am in a vortex of obligation.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
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