i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
