True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
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