Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
