# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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