Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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