i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I understand Curling. That high.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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