you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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