he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
