I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
