maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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