dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
