I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
