i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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