Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
They have beer where we have blood.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize