Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
