careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
