i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
