well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
