Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
