it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
