I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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