Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
